My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
