just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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