when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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