Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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