ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
