so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
