i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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