My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
