ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
