he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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