just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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