i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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