Apparently you make a good broom.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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