There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
