btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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