so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
