He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
