there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
where are my eyebrows?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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