She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
