Where did you get a picture of my penis
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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