I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
