I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
