paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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