The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
