I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
