Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
