Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
