dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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