why didn't you poke me back
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
