right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
