People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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