Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
