We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
