Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
