when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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