hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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