i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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