you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
