I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
