Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
