There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
