Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
