I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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