I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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