I cockslap morals
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
