i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
