I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
