Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
