you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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