based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
