I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
