Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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